How I learned to stop fighting the nerdiness and enjoy my first con

Through most of my adult life I have argued with my friends about whether or not I am a nerd. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a nerd. I just don’t feel like I meet the criteria.

I didn’t watch alot of cartoons or anime. I never read comic books. I don’t even really enjoy science fiction.

At least, I don’t think I do.

I recently went to my first convention and wore a costume that I had made myself, and was pleased to see that not a single person commented on the fact that I was wearing a renaissance dress(my bat belt was ruined, so I couldn’t wear my Batgirl costume. My first clue should have been the fact that I have a Batgirl costume).

My first convention was just like everyone’s first time should be. Enjoyable and painless, with no awkward regret in the morning. I had fun wandering around, looking at all the cosplayers. I was plotting what I would wear to my next convention(which would be in October).

I wish I had gone to more panels, but I was so overwhelmed with the excitement of it all that I didn’t make it to everything.

The highlight of my day definitely had to be meeting my first TV crush, Nicholas Brendon, known as Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He’s the reason I agreed to go to the convention in the first place, and he was perfect. My roommate came home the night before and told me that she met him, and actually got to talk to him. I don’t think I’ve ever been so jealous.

When my turn came to meet him, I couldn’t move. My friend had to push me up to his table. Then I got there, and he smiled, and I couldn’t speak. But he did. He gave me the biggest smile and said “Hey beautiful.” I know he said it to every girl that walked up, but it still felt like he meant it. I think he could tell how nervous I was. He told me he was going to give me a hug, and I’m pretty sure I just squeaked. He jumped up and gave me the biggest, warmest hug. It was amazing. Then my other friend wanted to meet him, and I got to hug him all over again. Still amazing.

The rest of the con was great. I felt oddly comfortable walking around with hundreds of others dressed in costumes, unashamed of being dressed up like cartoon characters. And Frankenberry. I saw a giant Frankenberry. I’m not sure why, but it was awesome.

I spent the next week thinking about why I’ve been so reluctant to to accept my nerdiness. I think part of it is because no one in my family is nerdy at all. They’re all fairly similar and normal. They like sports and beer and BBQs. I like reading and writing and British television.

I should have stopped denying my inner nerd when my roommate caught me making the dorkiest joke. We were watching “The Reichenbach Fall” episode of Sherlock, just after we had seen “Star Trek: Into Darkness”. There’s a line towards the end where Moriarty tells Sherlock “You’re ordinary.” To which I responded, “He’s not ordinary. He’s KHAAAAANNNN!!!” I didn’t even realize I’d said it out loud. Add in my constantly growing book collection, and my love of comic book movies, and I think it means something.

I think it’s time to accept that that’s what I am. I am awkward and dorky, and I love strange things. Like food trucks. Especially ones that serve cupcakes.

I hope everyone reading this is having a great week. It’s been pretty busy here, but I’m trying to get back to posting more writing. A friend suggested I write a steampunk short story, but I’m not sure what that means. Any one have any suggestions on steampunk writing? I’d love to hear it.

Thanks for reading!


About Jess

I'm just going to keep writing until I run out of words
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